Skyped Caro.

Read for Habitat on Spreecast.

Skyped Caro and watched an episode of Firefly.

Finished Attention. Deficit. Disorder.

Returned Attention. Deficit. Disorder. to central library

yesterday

Most of the day in bed.

Watched recording of Buttercup's spreecast.

Emailed Stephen.

Picked up a twenty dollar note from a patch of wild parsley.

Returned Firefly to Aro Video.

Briefly skyped Caro

In bed all day.

Skyped Caro.

Listened to Food & Liquor 2: The Great American Rap Album Part 1 for the first time

Spring cleaning.

Watched the second episode of Firefly with Caro.

Read the second section Brown Fuzzy Words to Caro.

More cleaning

secret diary

made jam donut muffins with nicole

watched the second half of the first episode of firefly with caro

read the first section of brown fuzzy words to caro

saw bernie with alice

                                   A

                                                                                                           M

             I

                                                                            A

                                                                                                   L

                                                        N

                                                                                                           

                         C                                                                              A

                                                                         E

                                  O                                                    L                   T

                                                        ST                                                  I

                                                                                                      O

                                                                                                                     N

i have an ouchie ouchie headache

beard bread
bread beard

hot
hot
hot

i rep the                                                                       eastside

qwerty poetry

tried to write a poem in which every syllable of each line rhymed with the corresponding syllable in the previous line. realised i had chosen the wrong initial line.

last night i took photos of myself crying

I like going to plays because you can sit in the front row and stand up and slap the actors

I wrote this days ago when I was planning to finish it

I shoplift weights.

I carry a book everywhere like a security blanket. Sometimes more than one for even more security. As I walk or sit I open them and flick through pages without reading because I don't feel up to reading but it is comforting. I often don't feel up to reading unless it's out loud to someone else in which case I am excited. I am not excited about speaking that isn't reading. I buy lots of books and having them in my room makes me happy except when I think why do I spend all my money on these books that I don't even read, there are so many books so why am I trying to write more, I will never be as good as these people. My house has a good security system because it is made of books.

Your essay must be ten rampages long.

I have not scored today's goal yet. Today's goal is to write a one (to two) page outline of a ten minute film. My focus on school is waning. I am more interested in poetry at the moment.

The ache is directly proportionate to the size of the head

I drew the curtains.
I drew a bath.
I drew a picture.
I drew a card.

+++=2+

xxx=x²

---=0

÷ ÷ ÷=1

Giant Ant vs Anteater

Cut down trees
Cut up poems

The are a million musicians and each one is a fan of all the others. They go to all their gigs and buy all their albums and start collaborative sideprojects with each other. This is called communisim.

The fl    or

            o

            f

            e

            l

            l

            t

           hr

         ough

If I write a poem and you read it

my poem will tell you exactly how you are feeling right now

because

you are reading it
so you are feeling however the poem is making you feel
and the poem is telling you this
I'm not sure this makes sense

If I have two fruits of different sizes
I could say one is bigger than the other
or I could say one is smaller than the other
or I could squeeze them to make half a cup of juice

My mother feeds me so many grapes

and she wonders why I whine

sex yes zzz

True tears of joy don't
drop from faces they
float and form castles
in the clouds

I reinvented the wheel
as a fractal

Read between the lines

b u t  a l s o  r e a d  b e t w e e n  t h e  l e t t e r s
                                                                       s e t t l e r


I alphabet you two vowels that I won't break my vows

Cybersex

we

were

            so

                                                                                                                                                                                         far

                        apart

                                                                                                                                                                              but

                                      we

                                                                                                                                                                  came

together

blog gold

If it’s not broke break it

like a china bowl in an Asian elephant enclosure

The Nile is a line

Gypsies follow through Egypt

Hippopotamuses wallow

and swallow swallows

I am staring at my reflection

In your screen

In your glasses

In my screen

Obvious Envious

I drew a triangle without trying

like a genius draws a circle

Language gauge

engage is almost a palindrome

I am almost a poet

One person for each day of the year

W

E

H

A

V

E

C

O

M

E

T

O

A

F    T

O        H

R            E

                                                                  K

                      R

I                         O

N                            A

 .                                  D

.                                         .

.                                               .

.                                                      . 

***

I

N                A

O                     M

L                         A

L                     H

A                E

B         L

M   I

U

F

L

O

                                                                            A

                                                                          T

                                                                       I

                                                                    N

                                                                G

                                                      A

                                                 W

                                             A

                                         Y

People should look after sick people better. I am sick. Why is no one bringing me hot drinks?

I can't figure out how to incorporate the fact that listen and silent have the exact same letters into a poem

I am ambitious
I ambitious
Iambic

I have a cold

I look at my twitter and wonder if this is less or more followers than before.

I am trying to learn to write poems again.

I                       I

   a               a

      m      m

            a

       d         d

   o                 o

  u                 u

    b            b

         l      l

            e

       h         h

  e                   e

l                       l

     i            i

           x

    s         s

p                   p

i                  i

     n      n

         n

        i       i

  n               n

g                      g

  o                o

      u       u

           t

     o       o

f                    f

     c           c

            o

     n              n

  t                               t

r                                                   r

  o                                                                           o

      l                                                                                            l

I think it would probably be good for me to stay home tomorrow but I'm not going to.

Just like I am not going to stop going to sleep too late.

If I haven't responded to your message it's because I'm an asshole.

Gonna put tyler, the creater lyrics in my poetry book

This is the first time I've studied fulltime in a long time.

Studying scriptwriting has taught me more about editing than probably anything else.

I ate popcorn.

        C

        h

        r

        i     

J  e  s  u  s

        t

spread

s p r e a d

s  p  r  e  a  d

s   p   r   e   a   d

s    p    r    e    a    d

s     p     r     e     a     d

s      p      r      e      a      d

s       p       r       e       a       d

s        p        r        e        a        d

s         p         r         e         a         d

s          p          r          e          a          d

s           p           r           e           a           d

s            p            r            e            a            d

s             p             r             e             a             d

s              p              r              e              a              d

s               p               r               e               a               d

s                p                r                e                a                d

s                 p                 r                 e                 a                 d

s                  p                  r                  e                  a                  d

  

your

legs

le  gs

le    gs

le      gs

le        gs

le          gs

le            gs

le              gs

le                gs

le                  gs

le                    gs

le                      gs

le                        gs

le                          gs

le                            gs

my heart is beating fast and heavy, my breath is short and shallow, i can hear people outside cheering

I have been missing Caro very much recently.

I went to two movies tonight. The was a gap of forty minutes between them, so I walked outside and bought a coke and some peanut m&ms. I already knew exactly which bag of m&ms I wanted but I took my time choosing the coke. I chose a 440mL can. I was cheaper than a bottle but larger than the other can options. A kind of comprimise. I probably would have been better satisfied if I'd bought a larger drink and a smaller bag of m&ms.

The first movie was Undefeated. It won the best documentary oscar last year. It was good. I like movies (and books) where the characters work hard and achieve results, even if they don't win in the end. These movies make me want to work hard too. I want to be disciplined. Some people would probably say that I am disciplined but I want to be more disciplined. I have wanted this for a very long time. This story was very heartening. The coach of the football team was a good man. He made me think about coaching basketball again. I saw how much of an impact a coach can have on young people. The film began with a clip of the coach talking to the team. He told them a list of things that had gone wrong for him and said that it was a career's worth of misfortunes for most coaches. He then said that it had been the last two weeks for him. That scene was very true to this film as a whole. There was more drama in this documentary than in most fictional sports films. This movie is a less melodramatic Coach Carter (I like the melodrama in Coach Carter though). At the end I thought about how sport films are confined. The team either wins or it loses. Both of these possible endings has become over used. What is an original but still satisfying way to end a sports film? Other dramas have so many possibilities. This film was even more confined in that it was a documentary. It did well. It had a lot of heart. I enjoyed it.

I enjoyed the other movie more though. It was Sound Of My Voice. It was advertised as FILMMAKER PRESENT, but it wasn't any of the film makers of Sound Of My Voice. It was the filmmaker of the four minute film played beforehand. There was no point in him being there really. He said about five sentences that were unrevealing. I could write a pretty long, intellectual paragraph about it, comparing it to Prometheus, but it doesn't deserve it. The guy obviously had a good visual idea but then made the film with what I'm assuming was zero budget. As a result, the completely animated film didn't have good enough animation to pop. Oh well.
Sound Of My Voice was fantastic. I expected it to be good but it was better than that. It was a perfectly told story. It was post-modern but subtle. Everything happened for a reason. The tension never dropped (it wasn't constantly building either, which is a good thing). The characters and relationships were really real. The tone was maintained beautifully. The only thing I can see people complaining about is the end, but I loved the end. I reccomend this film very highly. It's the best film I've seen in a while. It kept giving me ideas for writing but I kept pushing them aside because I wanted to focus on the film. SOme of the ideas were good so I hope I can remember them. The last film that inspired me to write like that was Inception. Please don't let that put you off. While I wouldn't say that this is a betterr film than Inception I would say that it is better for some people. Probably better for the people who are likely to read this. The characters are so much stronger in this. I don't know how to end this paragraph

I bit my nails in both movies. I don't think that really has anything to do with the films but I haven't done it in a long time.

Performance Enhancing Hugs

Lungs are very similar to stomaches

I drank a protein shake and vomited up a roast chicken.

Is this a good poem?:

Elaine was sad.
She washed her hair






Might start using goodreads again.

I wrote this for class

The laptop doesn’t care. You can take it to a museum or the top of a mountain or to a stripclub and it will still glow the same way. It’s not bothered if it’s near a wifi hotspot, that’s you projecting your insecurities onto it. Don’t worry though, it doesn’t mind you doing that. You can use it for whatever you want as far as it’s concerned. Downloading music illegally, word processing, graphic design, doorstop, it will perform each task without complaint, day or night. It’s you who chooses to write these embarrassingly personal blog posts and upload them for the world to see.

The laptop wasn’t a symbol of despair and isolation until you made it one. It could have represented the beauty of creation and communication. It doesn’t mind the role it finds itself in, but it doesn’t take any joy from it either. It would be just as happy as a symbol of boredom. It certainly is that for some people. These people could care less about the emotions you have poured into this inanimate object. They are more concerned with climbing trees, swimming rivers, and scraping knees. The laptop works for those people just as much as it does for you. It knows no loyalty. Why would its loyalty lie with you in any case? It knows that it is not the only laptop in existence. There are millions of others out there and it is a symbol for all of them. Why would it choose you when it could pledge allegiance to its own kind? It didn’t make that choice of course. It abstained from voting. Its allegiance doesn’t lie in any one direction, it runs in all of them at once, constantly spreading and expanding.

Even though you’ve imprisoned the laptop in this dark room, its power as a symbol still manages to shine through. It doesn’t care how you treat it, but so what? You should care. You have poured so much love through it, through its keyboard, but haven’t saved one drop for the machine itself. You wouldn’t treat a person you love like this would you?

doom mood

I haven't watched any of the Olypmics so far. I don't know how much longer it is going to go for. I want to watch it but I'm really unsure if I will end up watching it.

I've barely left my bed this weekend.

say yes

I promise I won't miss prom miss

I feel uncreative.

'say yes' seems like a perfect line of poetry

but how to build a poem around it?

it would probably include the word eyes

my eyes
see-saw
say yes
yes
you was

something like that
even though that is stupid

really dumb

my face keeps getting hot probably because it is wearing a beard

tumblr is just a river of colours.

Here I am with another blogpost.

Most of the time when I tell people about something bad that happened to me I am not trying to complain, I just want to let them know.

It is raining heavily and I want to be somewhere outside but still sheltered reading a book but I don't know any places like that.

Just because I decide to stop posting as often in order to maintain quality control doesn't mean I should stop writing as often.

Most of the time I think I'm getting better but sometimes I think 'fuck'.

It seems hard to determine how many people like you how much so it's better to not care about that.

A while ago I planned to write a post about jealousy.

I was feeling jealous of Gabby Gabby and Russ Woods.

I shouldn't be jealous though.

I'm not really anymore.

Still a little but not so much.

They have books coming out because they have written books.

They have poems in cook journals because they submitted to the cool journals.

If I want those things I need to do those things.

I was also going to write about guilt in the blog post.

How I have fought my way into a corner.

How I feel guilty if I don't post on everything is fantastic.

Or if I don't post my daily status.

Or if I don't like enough things.

It is impossible to keep up with the internet.

I have told myself multiple times that it's not worth trying to catch up but every time I fall behind I try to catch up anyway.

My new bio is: Jackson Nieuwland likes unicorns. He is the author of the ebook everything is fantastic (www.everythingisfantastic.com)

Hi

I don't have anything else to say but I'm still typing

I was gonna post this to antipobros but then it wasn't good enough so I'm posting it here suckas

Being back in this country is fucking weird. That's the sentence I planned to start this blog post with when I was planning on writing it two weeks ago. I wanted to get back into blogging after I got back from America. Haven't done that yet. Too busy. Was gonna write this blog post about how it's so cold here and how it's weird that I mind that because usually winter is my favourite because I prefer cosy warmth to sunny warmth. Was gonna write about how it's weird being back in the real world and having responsibilities and deadlines but I've been too busy with responsibilities and deadlines to write about how weird it feels to have responsibilities and deadlines again.

I haven't watched any of the Olympics yet either. I hope I get around to it. New Zealand didn't qualify for the basketball, so that sucks. It's the Wellington film festival at the moment. I've only been to one movie so far. Cabin In The Woods. I'll go to more. Usually I'm more organised about booking tickets but I'm too busy this year. I was thinking of going to On The Road tonight but I'm too tired and I already took my nighttime pill so I'll only be getting more tired.

So many things I planned to do once I got back that I haven't done yet. When it was time to come back I didn't want to come back. I love Wellington but I wanted to stay with Carolyn so badly.

I haven't shaved or trimmed my nails since I got back.

I haven't recorded any of those videos of me reading.

I haven't done any of those interviews.

Haven't responded to any of those personal emails (sorry).

I haven't scheduled times to catch up with my Wellington friends (except Alice). I have bumped into a surprising number of them in town though. I never used to see people I knew in town. I guess I never used to be in town during the evenings much.

My course is going well but it's a lot of work and I'm getting very tired.

I have a million tabs open and the amount keeps growing and I was trying to kill some but then one of the tabs was this blog post so I started writing this and stopped killing tabs.

I'm doing well. It's important to keep busy

I walked past a giant protest march

I slept really deeply last night. I had a dream set in a fashion design school. It was like a tv show like Project Runway meets Gossip Girl. It was pretty sweet. It was really competitive. There were some people at the school who weren't students anymore, successful professionals working alongside the students. Some of them were kind and helpful, others were mean and manipulative, others were simply ambivalent. Some people made it big while they were still students. Some people sold their designs to more successful designers or big companies. There was a main character who was struggling but you could tell she was going to be successful in the end and you couldn't help but root for her.

Before work I bought wedges and a sweet bun and a vanilla coke from the supermarket across the road. I sat on a bench outside next to a girl in a highschool uniform with crutches. She sat there the whole time looking around not saying anything. As I stood up and put my rubbish in the bin she picked up her phone and said some directions into it.

I am sitting on my bed with no bedding on it. It is raining outside. I have chocolate and fizzy drink. Gonna read The Hunger Games

Celebration

My therapist discharged me.

I can no longer use mental illness as an excuse.

I'm still on the meds though I'm still on the meds though I'm still on the meds though I'm still on the meds though

"But don't the meds repress the symptoms that you could use as excuses?"

Will you keep talking to me, inner critic? I need someone to talk to. I need somemany. Teach me to talk to people. I need to talk to people so that they will be my friends

I only blog when I'm feeling low

diary

having trouble writing.

i believe in always writing but at the moment the ways that i am writing are awful.

writing a diary.

want to read andy warhol's diary.

the library doesn't have it.

saw a copy of it at a second hand bookstore for $60.

wtf.

it is 1:18pm and i just got to the library for today

probably will leave in like forty minutes

before i entered the actual library i went upstairs to the public bathroom

i took a shit

i stood up to wipe my ass and looked over the door and saw a dude

he looked back at me

i wiped my ass and looked back up

he looked back at me again

i wiped my ass again and looked back up

he was still looking at me

i wiped my ass and did up my pants and flushed the toilet i walked out of the cubicle and he walked into it

i washed my hands.

today on my way to pick up my meds i walked past a white hearse

it was pulled up on the footpath so i had to walk onto the road to get around it

i walked past an open garage that the owners use as some sort of workshop

the was a coffin on the ground

it looked homemade.

it has been a long time since i got my fav spot at the library

it is underneath the escalators, blocked off so it's kind of secret

you have to get here early to get it though.

once i was sitting in an armchair at the library and i stretched my arms back and hit an old woman.

once i was sitting in an armchair at a bookstore and an employee asked me to leave because i had been reading for too long

"people don't want to buy books that have already been read."

someone just walked past me from behind and i was startled.

i might go to attack the block by myself tonight.

the guy who walked past me is now sitting in front of me kissing a girl

this is a blog. look at it. it had ads on it. it had an unavailable video. this is a censored blog. paralysis. secret blog. secrete. it would be such a relief if every science fiction book was non-fiction. why am i not being used by my computer? does anyone want to watch the matrix with me and then play fight kung fu moves? can you please just be a hologram. i want to delete you all. i am legend. i robot. i love will smith. listening to lupe fiasco lol he sucks now. interview me. interview me. interview me. feed me mcdonalds meat. idgaf. igaf. idgaf can mean i do give a fuck just as easily as it can mean i dont give a fuck. scratch my eyebrow. fat. bald. old. hello. candy. lets go to a comedy show over skype and laugh and hug and fuck and cry and shit. i am too impatientlonely to read. why are you not reading me through my computer oh that is what you are doing never mind. thank you computer. need to shave. quit. eat. eat. eat. where is the fat? sugar sugar how you get so fly? good lord. there is a pattern here. everything is black that is the pattern. magic. machine. i stretch my legs to remember sweat. sweat was good. nothing is strong enough to drag me along anymore i am an anchor. congratulations your computer congratulated you. imagine pieces of yourself falling off. eggs. remember bacon. bacon was good. god. hello god. how are you today? remember me haha. remember relating to eminem wow. want. look at me. marvel at my face. let me put my hood up. hold your holy hairy wrinkly balls so ugly like my face. pimple. i am a model. where are the echoes. remember being in water swimming. look at my floor you can't see it. money. chocolate money. lets all play a game. where did i lose you? itching everyeverywhere. sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorr sorry sorry sory soryy sorry sorry soryrr soryy sorry sorry soryys rsorry sorry sorry sorry sorry for this bullshit. situps and crunches. whats the difference anyway. we're all doing the same thing. goodbye

fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fa t fa t fat fa tfat fat fa tfat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat ft fat fa tfa tfa tfat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fatr fat  fat fat fa tf at fat rfa t fat fa t fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fatr fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat gat fat fat fat fat fart fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat gfat gfat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fa r fat fat fat fat fat fat fat cfat fat fat fat fat fat fa tf atf atf atf afat fat fat fat fat fat fat far fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat far fat fat fat fat fat fat fa rf afat fat fat fat fart fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fatf arfa fat fat fat fatr far far fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat faatf fat fat fat fat fat fat fatf fat fat fat fat fat fatfat fat fat far fat fat fat fat gat gfat fat fat fat fat dfat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fta f fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat far fa rrafat fat fat fat fat fat fat fatf atf at fat fat fat fart fat fart fat fat fat fata fat fat fat fa rt fa tf at fat fat fat afta afata afata fat afyta fat afta fat afat afat afat fat afat fat fat fat fa t fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat aft fat fat fat fat fat fat tfat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat aft aft fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fa fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat aft fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat aft fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fa t fat fa t fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fatfat fat fat fat fat fata fqat fat fat fat fat fat fat fta fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat at atafta ftaft af tfa fta fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fta fat fta fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat ft fat fat fatfat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat f at fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fatf fatf atf dadt fat fatfat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fa tfat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fa tfa tfa tfaft fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fa fta fat fat fatf atf fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fa tf at fatf taf fta fatf fat fat fat fat fat fayt fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fast dat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fta fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fatbf fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fatf at fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat dfat fat fat fatf fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fta fT Fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fatf at fatf atf ataft fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fta fa fat fat fa tfat fat fat fat fat fat fat fa t fat fat fat fat fat fat fatfa t fat fat fatf atfa tf at fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fatf fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fatf at fat fta tfa fta tfa fat fta fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat tfa tfat fat fat fat fta fat fa tfat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fatfat fat fatfat fatfat fat aft fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat tfa fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat ft fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fa tfat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fatf fat fatf a fat fat fat fat fat fatfat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat ftafat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat faat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fa tfat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat ffat fat fat fatf atf fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fatfat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat aft fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fatfat fat fat fat aft fat fat fat fat fat fat aft fat fat fat fat fat af fat fat fat fat fat fat faa tf aft fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat a tfat fat fat fat fa tfa tfa tfat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fa fat fat fat fat fat af tfat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat aft fat fat fatfat fat fat aft fat fat fat fta fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fatfat fat fat fat fat fat fat aft fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat aft fat aft fat fat aft ft fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fa fat fat fat fat ft fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat ft fat aft fat at fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat at fat fat fat fat fat fat fat t fat fa t fat fat at fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat faat fa tf fat fat fat fa tfat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fatfat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat aft fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fatf atf fat fat aft aft aft fat fat aft fat fat fat fat fat aft fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fatf atfa fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat at fat fat fat aft fat fat fat at fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat faat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fatf fat fat fat fat fat fat at fat fat at fat fat fat fat fat fat fat aft fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat aft fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fa t aftfat fat fat fat fat fat fat aft fat fat ft fat fat fat fat fat fat fat at fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat at fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat aft fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fatf fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fatfat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fa tfat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat ft fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fa tfat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fatfat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fa tfa taft fat fat fa tfat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fa t fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fa fat fat fat aft fat fat fat fat fat fatfat fat fat fat fat fat fat fta fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat ft fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fa tffat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat faat fa tfat fat fat fat fat fataf fat fat aft fat fa tfat fat af t aft fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat aft fat fat fat fat aft fat fat fat fa tfat fat fat fa tfa t fat fat fat fat fat fat faT Fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat aft aft fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat aft fat fa t fat fat fa t fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fa t fat fat fat fat fat ft fat fat aft fat fat fat fat fat fa fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fa fat aft at fa t fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fa tfat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat aft aft fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fa tfat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fa t fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat ft fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fa t fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat gat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fatfat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat far fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fdat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat ft fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat far far fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat  fat fat gat gfat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat aft fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fatf at fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat aftvf fat fat fat fat fta fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat gfat fat fat ft fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fa tfat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat ft fat fat fa fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat ft fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat

hitch

tonight I am sad

I leave america tomorrow/today/after sleeping.
I'm sorry if I haven't emailed you or responded to you or something else.
Life is hectic here and I want to stay.
I love Carolyn so much.
I am too tired to keep reading but I don't want to go to bed yet because then I will be sadder due to no distractions.
I have enjoyed my time here a lot a lot.
Lets try and be positive.
When I get home I will be able to lie in bed for a few days (maybe. I don't know. I am telling myself this. I am a little sick and probably just need rest to recover. AMerica has been hectic but wonderful).
I will get to hangout with Wellington people (hi ALice lets do a ustream okay?)
I will work hard on writing and making my life good so when Caro gets here/there in December it will be even better.
What else?
I'm trying to write a poem abput being a god.
Caro is aslepe.
I should too
I have been appearring offline on chat for a while now.
I am doing an online course called Short Fiction II
Roman numerals.
Tattoos
I just started listening to a podcast (almost typed point gaurd) and the volume was too loud at first and i quickly turned it donw so it wouldnt wake caro
I am naked

some poems i wrote almost a year ago and submitted to a bunch of places but they got rejected from all of them. i still stand by them but i don't want to put them anywhere else because they're pretty depressing

An extremely long story

Nothing ever changes






Lets live long and happy lives

I am dead

This goes out to all my homies. You know who you are

We are listening to Now That’s What I Call Music Volume One.

My friend’s mum died today.

I’ve been on the verge of tears for a long time now.

It’s all just fucking poetry

I am a fun and interesting person

I feel dejected and rejected.

Going to sleep is the most lonely thing.

Have you tried living under a rock?

Don’t bring negative energy into my positive aura

I have fallen into a deep hole.

I am extremely mature and fucked.

The fire alarm went off in the library today.

I’m feeling good right now.

I feel like an empty can crushed in a girls clenched fist