Secret blog could mean the blog is a secret or that I tell you secrets in the blog

In my first year of highschool, when I was 13, we spent half an hour a week in a room full of computers and did quizzes. We were supposed to answer questions nonstop. The questions were extremely easy. I was too scared to ask the teacher/supervisor if I could leave, so I pissed my pants.

I am still bad at leaving rooms/situations. Last weekend I was at a party, standing in the kitchen. I wanted to leave for 30 minutes without moving. Then I just walked straight out without warning. My friend Penny said 'Are you leaving Tom?' as I walked out the door. I quietly said 'Yes'.

I want to say something about why I am like this/what it means/how I can improve but it's 12:45am and I can't think.

My real name is Tom.

Today I read Fences by Ben Brooks. It was cool. Ben is cool. Idk. I like the different font sizes thing. I wanna do some stuff with that. Also with colour. Even though this book is way different to Grow Up it felt similar to me.

Tuesday/Monday (in the US) is date night. Me and Caro watched Inland Empire. The Lynch fest continued. Weird movie. I didn't like it as much as Mulholland Drive, that was my fav so far. [I should have written this post earlier in tonight. I'm too sleepy now]. So this movie blurred the line between movies and reality and the line between movies and remakes. It puts scenes from reality (which imitates art), a movie (which imitates reality), and a remake (which imitates the movie (DUH)), and the folktale the movie was based of (idk) next to each other with no explanation. It puts FAR less of the pieces together than Mulholland did. I was gonna say some clever shit about this but now I can't. Maybe Caro will write something. Hopefully. Movie was too long. David Lynch always has sweet songs in his movies. Next up is Blue Velvet.

Fuck I'm mad at how bad this blog post is. I'm really sorry.

My copies of FOUR arrived today. Please buy it.

I'm going to have one interview included in every issue of Red Lightbulbs from now on. So that's cool.

IM NOT GONNA GET ENOUGH SLEEP TONIGHT.

I want to be a part of everything. I always feel really worried about missing out on things. I want to contribute more to the community. I want to support people. I want to show people things that they wouldn''t see otherwise.

I haven't drawn anything in a while.

Instead I've liked 22320 posts on tumblr. Is that the way that I want to support people? Well yes I want to keep doing that but I also want to do something more far reaching. Idk. I will never be content.

I just made two new tumblrs for potential proojects. WHO THE FUCK AM I TO MAKE PROJECTS? THERE ARE ALREADY SO MANY JOURNALS AND SHIT OUT THERE. WHY WOULD ANYONE GIVE A FUCK ABOUT MINE? Can I please make a living from this shit? I never want to get a job.

I'm drinking chocolate milk.

Will I ever write a book?

This just became a rambling rant.

RESPECT ME

Instead of writing status updates I save up those thoughts and write blog posts

Everytime I go for a walk I think up a blog post. Everyday I should just walk to the library, sit down and write what I thought of on the walk, walk home, write what I thought of on the walk, and then just repeat that as many times as possible. Also it would be good exercise. (Or I could have a circuit that includes multiple libraries)

Someone who has an extensive formspring should publish their formspring as a book. I have thought about asking someone a bunch of questions anonymously on formspring and then publishing it as an interview. Maybe I should get a journalism degree (it worked for tao lin (LOL who gives a fuck what degree tao lin has?))

I wish spencer madsen had a blog at www.everythingisfucked.com

I just wrote a poem into a status update on facebook and then posted it and then screenshotted it and then deleted the status because I wanted the poem to be the screenshot but I didn't want the status to exist on facebook.

Brb having a bath.

Just reread the second half of A Million Bears in the bath. The water got a bit cold by the end.
I reread the first half next to the library earlier. I was going to read while walking to and from the library but it was raining so I couldn't.

I think of my wallet, my phone, and my ipod as the holy trinity. If I don't bring them with me when I go out I usually regret it. (can't find my fucking ipod) The ipod can be replaced with a book

Brb eating dinner.

Back. Why did I have a bath earlier if I'm planning on going for a run later? Seems stupid.

Brb writing 1000 words of my novel. JK just gonna check facebook and stuff

Caro took a bunch of photos of me on skype last night

I had a meeting with my case manager person today. The meeting was at eleven but I only left my house at eleven (I had got caught up on facebook) so I ran and it only took me 7 minutes to get there. Seems good. Also I had a real good run last night.

Meeting was good. Instead of trying to therapy/counsel me, it seems like she is try to teach me to do it myself. It felt like a class. She wrote stuff of a whiteboard. She gave me some 'worksheets' to fill out (theyre not really worksheets but I'm going with a school analogy (seems good for my 'rehabilitation' (lol) to be like school because then it will be easier to go back to school eventually (pretty soon really!))). One of the 'worksheets' is a weekly activity plan. It reminds me of having to write weekly training schedules and stuff for basketball.

Finally recorded me reading the second half of The No Hellos Diet. THe video is uploading now. I tried to do it the other day but my computer crashed. I can't remember if i Mentiioned that in that days blog post or not. Caro suggested I blog about what I'm reading and what it makes me think so here. While I was reading The No Hellos Diet I thought about: trying to speak loud enough, how long iit was taking, how many pages I had left, whether I had read certain scenes from the book in the previous video or not, stuffing up some of the words, having a sore throat, how many pages I had left, how cool a few of the sections were.

I'm still reading Nothing and You Are A LIttle Bit Happier Than I Am. Possibley finishing the tao tonight. Was thinking I might go to the library today but it doesnt look like I'llhave time. A Plague Of Wolves And Women by Riley Michael Parker arrived today but I don't know how soon I'll read that.

DAMN THIS IS A BORING ASS BLOG POST.

Have you ever considered snapping your thumb off? It seems really doable.

I'm eating dates. Enjoying it a lot. People seriously need to get more into dried fruit.

Just took the sheets of my bed and put them in the washing machine. Hi, marry me, I am a domestic god.

Leaning against my bed's headboard without a pillow for cushioning. Extremely uncomrtable. I don't recommend it guys.

Even without my sheets my bed still has a shitload of stuff on it: books, clothes, bowl, dates, bottle, scanner, papers.

An interview I did is up at HTMLGiant. Proud of that. I wouldnt be writing this blog if it wasnt for that site. Would love to be a real contributor. I have some ideas for articles. LOL dream a little smaller amirite?

After my meeting today the part of my jeans at the back of my knees was sweaty. EW!

THere are a lot of people on gmail chat right now. I wonder if any of them have noticed this as well. I wonder if we're all just sitting not chatting to anyone, thinking about how amny people are online of gmail chat right now.

Just ate a date and thought 'date me'

It seems like it's impossible to be well read. There are too many different spheres of knowledge/literature. If you read everything your head would swell up all malformed and disgusting and brains would start leaking out of your ears and you'd be panicking, scooping them up and stuffing them into your mouth.

THERE'S NO REASON NOT TO BE NICE