I used to want to be a famous rapper. FOr the last few years I haven't wanted to be famous. Feel like I'm beginning to want to be famous again. Maybe not famous but successful. Yeah successful. You know?? I want what I do to have significance in a lot of peoples lives. I want to inspire people. Also I want everyone to like me. Please like me everyone.

UNCENSORED THOUGHTS (cause James said it should be a regular thing):
The rap that I posted on everything is fantastic today is an example of how terrible at rapping I am. It is really bad.

That's the only uncensored thought I had.

I might try and do raps more often and just post them here. Make that a regular feature. I hope I do that.

[I am adding this bit in here so there are pictures to break things up] Today I tried to take a photo of me making a heart shape with my hands. It didn't workk

Today I watched Mulholland Drive with Caro. It was real good. I like how it uses various motifs to tell a [what's the word?] MULTIPLICITY!] of stories like a jigsaw puzzle that can be put together multiple ways making multiple pictures. The first ~2 hours (until we enter the blue box (which itself is maybe a metaphor for movies) show us one possible picture/story that can be put together but then we are given additional pieces/scenes which can be used to make new pictures/stories. Also I like how the movie is SUPER ominous, except when violent shit is going down, then it's just funny. Watching this made me want to read Blake Butler. We watched Eraserhead last week. Next week is Inland Empire. Getting our David Lynch awwwwwwwwwwwwwn. Maybe when she visits we could watch Twin Peaks together!

I was going to go for a run tonight but then I didn't. I did push ups for the first time in ages. I did ten then I went and started running a bath and my mum asked me what I was listening to and I told her I Don't Wanna Be Alone by Childish Gambino. She said 'That's a good name. It rhymes with Bambino'. Then I went to the kitchen and took my nighttime pill and checked the snack inventory and said to myself 'Brilliant, brilliant, everything is brilliant' (rebrand?). Then I went back to my room and did 8 more pressups. BUT I THINK IM GONNA GO SWIMMING TOMORROW SO EVERYTHING WILL BE OKAY.

Read Worstward Ho today.

Now I'm snacking and listening to A Fistful Of Popcorn (a movie/tv podcast I listen to).

I've been slacking on my email game lately. I think it's partly because of this blog, they use the same muscles). Wanna get more into formspring. Hit me up: http://www.formspring.me/Jacksonieuwland

Last night I slept before midnight. This morning I woke up around 7. Seems REAL good. Wanna try get more into that. BUt I'm not gonna get to sleep before midnight tonight. Oh well

boring blog

Did you know that it's actually Jackson's younger sister writing this blog? I bet you didn't.

I don't write everything that happens to me in this blog. It seems like that would be consoring myself. I am giving you a limited yet honest view of my life or somethiing. Usually I don't care about censoring myself. I do it to improve the ratio of quality to bullshit. But on this blog I am attempting not to censor myself.

Last night I sllept for two hours. Then I stood and sat in the cold for two hours. Then I ran 8km.

 


Today I returned all of my library books but one. It was difficult to fit them all into my backpack. New rule: no more than two books issued from the library at once.

I'm beginning to think that Blake Butler and Tao Lin are the same person.

I think about these posts before I write them but I always forget something.

UNCENSORED THOUGHTS:
I wish me and Ben Brooks had a caring email correspondence.
I wish me and James Duncan still chatted regularly.
Does anyone want to publish a book by me? Will you agree to publish it sight unseen? Give me monthly deadlines like I need the first draft of this stroy by next monday.

There were lots of girls dressed as fairies. I like fairies.

I bought 10 mini donuts fresh from the deepfrier for $5. I went to a mcdonalds that i always expect/hope to be empty but is always busy. Today I discovered there is an unstrairs. I bought a larger choc sunday and a large chips. I wanted to get a frozen l&p too but they were out or something. I should have bought a drink because I need to stay hydrated.

I washed my head (at first i accidently wrote shaved). My hair feels nice. I have a headache.

My mum bought this shirt from a garage sale many many many years ago. I think i was still in primary school. I still like it








I like how Megan Boyle doesn't end her paragraphs with full stops.

Caro has turned her blog into a fashion blog. She is way better than Bebe Zeva.

I don't have any credit on my cellphone

Yo

I'm watching I'm Still Here. It's not that good. Like the premise is cool but they haven't really gone anywhere with it yet. I ate some popcorn. That was the best part. Popcorn is one of my fav foods. Corn is so underrated. Corny is an insult. But think of all the good things that come from corn: popcorn, cornchips, cornflakes, corn on the cob, cream corn, and corn syrup is in heaps of yum things.

I finished reading Varieties Of Disturbances. I got out that Beckett book yesterday because it was mentioned in this book. I'm also reading Nothing by Blake Butler at the moment. It's so good. Blake just keeps getting better. I can feel it effecting me, making me write more. I've also been having trouble getting to sleep on time while reading it. Maybe that is another effect. It is making me want to try reading Infinite Jest again. It is making it seem more doable, more possible. My fear of the huge is shrinking.

Having a personal blog is like writing emails except everyone can see it. Not everyone will see it though, especially since this is a secret blog. I've only written 150 words on the novel so far today. Need to go hard tomorrow morning I guess. I hope I can write a good novel. I wonder if anyone is excited about the prospect of this novel. I think I am doing some creative things in it. Things that I haven't seen before at least. I'm also doing things that are way similar to other people's writing. I still have a long way to go with it anyway. Ideas are no use unless they're enacted right? Idk. Getting philosophical with it lol.

Caro took this photo of me secretly and just sent it to me today.

Updates on my personal hygiene:

Today I washed my hair and trimmed my nails.

I also brushed my teeth in the morning.

I will brush them again after writing this.

I need to shave my face.

The movie is almost finished the final twenty minutes are pretty good. He actually becomes an okay Lil B-esque rapper. I need to spend some time writing raps soon